Hotel Aspidistra

with apologies to the Eagles!

On a dark urban highway, cold wind in my face
Warm smell of McDonalds, rising up through the place
Up ahead in the distance, I saw glimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim, I had to stop for the night.

There she stood in the doorway, I heard the Town Hall bell
And I was thinking to myself, 'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she lit up a candle and she started to say
"We've had a power cut Love, but will you please come this way …"

Welcome to the Hotel Aspidistra
What an awful place (What an awful place) - a complete disgrace
Plenty of room at the Hotel Aspidistra
Any time of year (Any time of year), you'll get diarrhoea!

Her hair is Loriel-twisted, she's got a Ford Focus Ghia,
She got a lot of pretty ancient friends, that she calls "Dear"
How they dance in the ballroom, feet aching yet
Some steps they remember, but most they forget.

So I called to the waiter, "Please bring me a beer"
He said, "You'll be lucky mate, we've got no licence here!"
And still those urges get them, don't you see,
Wake them up in the middle of the night, just to have a pee.

Welcome to the Hotel Aspidistra
What an awful place (What an awful place) - a complete disgrace
It needs a good clean at the Hotel Aspidistra
and it's full of flies, bring insecticides.

Mirrors in the bathrooms, the pink curtains are "nice"
And she said "we are all just pensioners here, on a trip from Devizes"
And in the evening buffet, they gathered with their plates,
They stab them with their steely knives, but they just can't eat the steaks.

Last thing I remember, I was running for the door
I had to find the ring-road back to the place I was before
"Right then!" said the night nurse, "So you're wanting to leave?"
"Well you can clear off any time you like, but you'll still have fleas!"

Verse

Bmin - F#min - A - E - G - D - Emin - A

Chorus

G - D - Emin - F#min