Quentin Smith

Q. Smith 2018

Australian opening batsman Cameron Bancroft was banned, together with Vice-Captain David Warner and Captain Steve Smith, for ball tampering during the third Test Match in South Africa in March 2018. Warner was allegedly the instigator, giving Bancroft – the junior member of the team – the sandpaper and showing him how to rough up one side of the ball to increase reverse-swing. Bancroft was spotted on close-up TV shots shown on the large screens in the ground. Team coach Darren Lehmann was supposedly unaware of the plan, but on seeing the TV shots he dispatched the Aussie 12th man to tell Bancroft to hide the evidence. Bancroft was spotted putting the offending abrasive in his underwear. We are also expected to believe that the whole of the Australian bowling attack were unaware of the plan.

The tune is largely incidental and you can make your own interpretation. I use a simple sequence of Amin, Dmin and Emin.

The Ballad of Cameron Bancroft

I’m just a jobbing batsman, the baby on the team,
I thought I’d like this Test Match lark, but things aren’t what they seem.
I’ve got me-self in trouble, I face a lengthy ban,
Suppose I’d really have to say the grit has hit the fan.

Abrasive in me pocket, abrasive down me socks,
Worst of all I’ve got abrasive paper in me jocks!
And now my wedding tackle, is smooth as smooth can be,
But worst of all it all got seen in close-up on TV.

It seemed a simple action, to “smooth” our way to win,
And Warner said “don’t worry lad”, “it’s really not a sin”
But now the repercussions are ringing round the halls,
‘cause I got caught at fine leg, fiddling with me ball –s-

Now Warner’s done a runner, and Smithy’s tears are shed
Don Bradman’s turning in his grave, and Aussie cricket’s dead.
I’ve got to take one for the team, and that’s not fair you see,
I’m bloody sure that they ALL know – it wasn’t only me.

Back