Health & Safety Blues

I woke up this morning, and I was scared to leave my bed,
Irrational worries, fears of danger in my head,
It was so serious - I was delirious,
I got the Health & Safety Blues.

When I was younger, kids were heroes in their dreams.
Sword fights with sticks, climbing trees and jumping streams.
But now it's bonkers - no playing conkers!
I got the Health & Safety Blues.

I drive my car, but it's the same in every town.
New speed limits and safety cameras - all designed to slow me down.
It's quite alarming - this traffic calming,
I got the Health & Safety Blues.

Now lorry drivers, they got their problems real bad.
The rules on hours, tachographs inside their cab.
And bleeping cursin' - when they're reversin'
They got the Health & Safety Blues.

And in the workplace, page after page of silly rules,
It would be easier, to wrap us all in cotton wool.
It's all so draining - "Awareness Training"!,
I got the Health & Safety Blues.

I called my Doctor, asked him what treatment would be best.
He said to wear a hard hat, and bright yellow reflective vest.
And don't push my luck - don't kick the bucket,
'less I'm wearing steel toe-cap shoes,
I got the Health & Safety Blues.

Can't be defective, must be reflective,
I got the Health & Safety Blues.

It's so depressing, this risk-assessing,
I got the Health & Safety Blues.