Skips Must Be Up

Lilleshall went touring, down to the South & West,
Our President was very keen that we played at our best,
He lectured to the ones and twos, but just some of the threes,
Now most of it was rubbish, but his wisest words were these.
Now when it comes to playing bowls a few things you should know,
You always do what your skip says or anger he will show,
Your woods must always reach the jack or he will show disdain,
But if his woods are short, you get him back with this refrain.

Chorus:
Skips must be up, skips must be up,
That's the way to do it lads, skips must be up.
Skips must be up, skips must be up,
That's the way to do it lads, skips must be up.

Now one skip thought he'd stay asleep and not get up all day,
He wasn't missed at breakfast as in his bed he lay,
As he lay in his pit he knew his mates would miss him soon,
And so it was it came to pass around the crack of noon.
They gathered in the lobby and they went up to his suite,
They hammered on the door and hurled abuse and stamped their feet,
He slept through all the shouting and the banging of a gong,
But he had to get up finally when he heard them sing this song.

Chorus

Now one skip started drinking, and got himself pie-eyed,
We couldn't keep him vertical however hard we tried,
He'd really had a skin-full drinking ale and port and wine,
And even two large brandies, before the clock struck nine.
We knew that as he lay there with his head beneath the table,
To play a decent game next day he surely was not able,
Next morn' his head was thumping where he was he couldn't tell,
We needed drastic action so we cast this magic spell.

Chorus

Our captain thought he'd really pulled while in the Torquay sun,
Two gorgeous buxom dolly-birds just looking for some fun,
He took them both to dinner, and then on to the flicks,
And wooed them with his sexy talk of touchers and of wicks.
He started getting fruity as the light began to fade,
He kissed them and he cuddled them and then his move he made,
He took them to his hotel room, erotic games to play,
But they came out looking miserable and this we heard them say.

Chorus